First love

Love is not complicated, time we have is.

 

Well I don’t know where to start from, cause frankly speaking I myself am unaware about how it all started. Whenever I get nostalgic and ride down to my memory lane, I can visualise the moments all dancing in front of me.

It was about 15 years back when it all started, the brief moment that my memory recalls is from a classroom,

 

As usual I went to my class, and then went to another class for I don’t know why reasons and then I saw her. She was breathtakingly beautiful, her snow white face, those almond shaped grey eyes, those hairs that hung till her neck was curling so as to touch her silk smooth skin. She wore a white shirt and grey frock, and had a headband of yellow colour over her head, sitting all alone by herself. I couldn’t say hi nor I could just walk by, I got struck right there staring as a creep to her till the assembly bell rang and we had to rush for assembly.

Well I hadn’t expected but I was searching for her even when we were supposed to close our eyes and pray. The moment froze again when my eyes finally found her, she was standing just couple of lines past but I could see her clearly. I saw those innocent hands put together and those lips singing the pray. All I could think then was, if I was a god with any power, I would give up anything to fulfil her wishes. How I wish the moment froze right there for entire eternity of my life. But then it didn’t happen.

 

I don’t know how I spent few days stalking her and trying to get enough courage to say hi or even just to be less creep like then I was at that time. It took me more than a week to even approach any of these. I saw her every day, I had already found her basic information and also figured that we shared same locale of living and even with so many info about her I had no guts to say hi.

It took less time for people around me to notice my changed behaviour before I could even think of initiating a hello. And things were awkward when someone shared my feelings for her before I did. But still I was happy as she too had noticed me and was positive about me.

Soon, we became friends. And fell each other in no time. We dated a lot; I had fallen for her even more. She too loved me like anything. We both were just happy when our time decided to mess up and made her shift to a city 250km far from our current location. There was no denial to that and eventually she shifted there. Despite sharing tears with postal address none of us could get guts to share the letters to keep the love flame in us alive.

 

After 9 years of separation, out of nowhere I happened to find her again. I was so happy to see her again, I met her right away and was more delight to see the flame on her the same but we both told each other that past is better buried. Then we became good friend again but then it was inevitable that none of us could let it be, we just fell for each other again and so eventually we tried to drift away again so as to remain good friend and not mess up. As we wanted as it happened, we drifted apart.

 

Five years later, she tried to contact me, and we were back to track again. This time both of us got amused as the flame lit some 14 years ago was still the same. As we talked to each other, it became clear that none of us were victim of unrequited love. We were happy. We were at the right age of marriage so we took ourselves seriously. We managed our time and gave more time to each other and took our career together, in no time we were in love again. We both shared our past, how we dated different people and though all was good something was missing, though all seemed perfect something always lacked. We could never be satisfied with entire world provided by our counter partner. But now that we were together, we felt satisfied for nothing we had, we were happy together.

 

By this time, our love life was like a movie, on-off-on-off-on…

One day as I was working, I fell down completely blank and then was admitted to a hospital. Everyone lost their ground when I was diagnosed with last stage of blood cancer and had few months to go. I reached null point, physically as well as mentally. I couldn’t react, I couldn’t decide for I had so many in my mind. Finally, I called her and told m going for a emergency visit abroad and hung up, called her father to meet me right away. I told him all about me and then referred a friend of mine who was standing right next to me to get them married. I also made them both not to let her shed a drop of tear for her life time, not in my name not in the name of our love.

It was hard but somehow we convinced her to believe I married someone else and was in honeymoon rather business visit. And cautiously, we cornered her to marry my referral. When everything settled down I became happy and the pain of death that was overcoming me day by day became easier to accept.

 

One day I was all alone in my cabin, my health getting worse than ever but somehow I managed to breathe and keep myself alive, the door opened slowly,….

Its said that when one dies, entire his life plays in front of him in 7 seconds, same happened here. I recalled all my love right in front of my bed. She was standing there, similar white shirt, black shorts and a black headband over her head. Her neck long hair still curled hard to touch her silk smooth skin. Her almond grey eyes, sparkled like diamond, her cheeks red as blood. Right at this moment I hated god, hated him for love I did her, hated him for emotion he kept for us, hated him for love life we shared, hate him for tragedy we had to suffer. I hated even more for creating me, making me fall for her and finally when all was good making me bid goodbye to everything i had.

Before I could react, she ran and hugged me and started sobbing. I could feel every moment I spent with her.

The first time I held her hands, the first time I kissed her, the first time we hugged, the first time we caressed, the first time we wet ourselves in rain, all those first moments I cherished played in front of me. I held her even tighter; she was in no name of letting me go.

At this time I realised, we might fall for many people, but there is no place irreplaceable by anyone where our first love flourished, no one can get that trust and affection our fist love gets, no one can fill the void created by first love. There is o match to first love,..

 

I grabbed her by her ears and looked her in her eyes and all I could say was, “I love you and will do till I die or if there is, even my next lives,…”. I then prayed god to halp her forget me and stay happily. Right there I took my last breathe and let everything go in her arms, in my first loves arms.

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